Existence
by Dannime
Summary: Lukas started using magic unknowingly to be unnoticeable. It had been years since a single soul saw Lukas' face, until in an accident he loses his ability to be invisible. Reunited with an old childhood friend, Lukas questions himself while overcoming a tough obstacle : getting used to 'existing'.
1. chapter 1

**_Ugh, I wish I wasn't so lonely._**

Imagine that thought playing on repeat in your mind, dragging you around, tossing all other thoughts away and forcing your mind to think about it. Lukas had this for the last few years.

He didn't wantto think of it. In fact, he usually thought of himself as what other people viewed him: cold, quiet, antisocial, the type to never find interest in others. As he lied awake in his bed, tossing and turning in the sheets, letting the soft fabric slowly fall off the mattress, all he could think about was other people. As he was often judged by others, he sometimes wished he was a bit louder, but he knew he couldn't change who he was. He also never hated people, Lukas was just _painfully_ shy, he often wanted people to talk to him and show interest in his presence. Again, **_Lukas couldn't change the fact that people didn't know he existed_**.

Lukas was the classic Norwegian: shiny blonde hair that fell into his eyes, and his eyes were like the Arctic, so icy and dangerous, but extremely captivating, so captivating that the bottomless ocean below could take you in and drown you. His hands were delicate and thin and his skin was soft and pale, almost never touched by any rays of sunlight.

 ** _It was such a shame people weren't aware of his existence._**


	2. 1

**_Lukas Bondevik had gone missing on the day his friend had abandoned him._**

 _Flashback 4 years._

Rays of morning light peered through the naked branches of the trees that eternally stretched to the sky. White, icy snow could be heard crunching under feet. Pools and puddles of water were seen dotted around where the sun was shining its light, and the soft sounds of water flowing was heard from a nearby stream. A few fluffy white clouds were spread across the sky, as though dancing around. The sky faded from a deep purple to a dreamy pastel pink and then sharply faded into a soft shade of blue.

Lukas wondered what his friend wanted to discuss. Snow covered the ground in patches, like multiple carpets dotted around the place. He wondered if it would be something nice, a surprise maybe, it was the perfect setting for something like that. The warmth of someone being kind to him took over his body, and a soft, small smile spread across his lips.

"Should we stop here?" Lukas' friend stopped moving his feet and swung his long, pale hand onto Lukas' shoulder.

"Can't we walk further?" Lukas playfully whined while looking back at his tall friend.

The tall boy's thick eyebrows frowned and his lips were stuck together. His usually excited and playful bright blue eyes looked concerned, while a long, exhausted and frustrated sigh escaped his mouth.

Lukas was now concerned. His friend's mouth was _always_ something of smiles and laughter, and his eyes, they looked deep and worried. There was a side of this person Lukas never knew.

"Matthias-" Lukas stressfully cried out with big, concerned eyes. He turned his body around, ready to face whatever news awaited him.

"We came here to discuss something, correct?" Matthias began. Cold sharp wind began blowing into his spiky, messy blonde hair. The icy wind stabbed his cheeks, regretting his decision of going outside, he continued. " _Am I correct?"_

Lukas felt Matthias' voice startle him, for the first time _ever_. When they were younger, he let Matthias' soft, soothing voice protect him, while the joyful, confident side of Matthias brought excitement and happiness to his life. Never, had his voice give fright to Lukas. He quickly nodded, silently begging for this side of Matthias to go away.

"Look, I bet, you're going to hate me after this. You're going to want to punch me, kick me, _kill me_ for God's sake, but please, understand that there is a reason why I am doing this," Matthias sounded stressed, and broken. He didn't want to look his shorter companion in the eye, so instead he looked up at the sky and twiddled with his own long fingers. "I need to leave you."

Lukas felt a wave of anger and anxiety and fright rush over him all at the same time.

"I need to leave you, you need to leave me, which ever one it is, it needs to happen. Now, how do you feel?"

He hoped this was a joke, that Matthias would look at him in the eyes and laugh, while saying something stupid like, "You should've seen yer face!"and cackle his head off.

Lukas looked down at the ground and let tears well up in his eyes, on the edge of falling to the ground. He wanted to say, "Why? Why would you leave me? After years of protecting me, why would you say this?"

Instead, Lukas harshly whispered, " _I fucking hate you."_

Matthias wanted to stay strong, to stand upright and argue confidently, to make his friend understand that what he was doing was for a reason. But he let the words damage him, he let the words tear his heart apart. Tears streamed down his cheek as he glanced to Lukas' face. His eyes stabbed through him like icy shards of glass, but he still tried to lay his hand on his friends shoulder.

"I have three reasons why I'm doing this. Number one- I feel as though you need to be independent. You need to grow as a person, and you can't always rely on me for strength and support. It's time you learnt that I'm not always going to be there for you," Those words hurt Matthias inside, but he so wanted Lukas to be his own person and have his own strengths. "Number two - I met someone." Matthias gulped as he said that, and he saw the pain in Lukas' eyes.

Lukas wanted to laugh when he said those words, they were only teenagers, Lukas was 15 and Matthias was 16. _What on Earth did he mean by 'I met someone'?_

Matthias didn't want to say anymore about this person he fell for. "Number three - Berwald wants to teach you how to be independent. He believes that I am doing a shitty job of teaching you, and I think he's right. Last night I packed your bags and put them outside the front door. Berwald took them to his house. At lunch he's going to take you in his car to his place, I'll visit you sometimes and send you emails and texts, I'll even call you! His place is really nice too, trust me."

Lukas' hair swayed softly in the breeze, fighting back a waterfall of salty tears, he whispered angrily, " _Fucking take me to Berwald's house then, you idiot"_

But he's going to fetch y-"

Lukas was now at a shout, his voice cracking like shattered glass, " _I DON'T WANT TO SPEND ANOTHER MINUTE WITH YOU!"._

Silence filled the air, Lukas had stopped crying and Matthias wasn't scared, he was just surprised at what strength his friend had. He had jumped and his eyes were now wide and concerned. A soft stutter escaped from Matthias' mouth.

Nothing but awkward silence filled the air as they trudged back to Matthias' car. The morning rays of sunlight were brighter, burning Lukas' eyes as he tried to see.

 _6 hours later_

It was lunch. Berwald's house was grand, blue carpet in the hallways made the place feel cosier, there were large tables everywhere, velvet deep red couches with knitted cushions were seen in every room, and trophies of Berwald's glory were sitting on the shelves. Strangely, a golden IKEA poster with engraved letters was drilled into a wall in the dining area. Berwald was talking to Lukas about the furniture and its condition, "Don't spill anything on the couches. They deserve nothing but utter respect. I take that back. My couches deserve everything - love, happiness, respect - whatever you've got, they'll take it."

Matthias had silently dropped Lukas off at Berwald's place, it wasn't a heartbreaking tragic moment, it as actually incredibly awkward as they waved and said their goodbyes. Lukas was surprised to find that Berwald wasn't confused or worried when he found Lukas sitting weeping on the doorstep, he was just empathetic.

Lukas didn't eat anything for lunch, although his stomach growled, he wanted to focus on his future and what he would do without Matthias. _Matthias._ No. He didn't want to think of that name ever again.

It was now 6 pm. Lukas was lying in his bed. The bed, like the decor around the house, was a deep ocean blue, the warm quilt wrapped around Lukas' body and the evening light peered through the windows, softly glowing on Lukas' pale face. He shut his eyes for a second and let this moment consume him. Time seeped through the cracks in his system, circling him until he gave in. He felt himself drowning in doubt and anxiety, his heart was racing. Through his sleep he felt wet tears flowing down his face, like the stream he saw at the forest near Matthias' house. _No. Not Matthias. You hate Matthias, remember? Forget, forget, forget. Forget him._

Suddenly, he woke up. An urge rushed over him to look in the mirror opposite his bed. This strange feeling had taken over him, something supernatural, something magical, it was like everything was passing through him, he felt _invisible_. So he sat up, and looked in the mirror. The reflection of himself in the mirror was non existent. He couldn't see himself there. It seemed as though there was nothing but air. _Fuck. I want to go back. Go back. Please. I want to see Berwald._ He felt a force of air suddenly pound onto the mirror, it instantly shattered, shards of reflection fell to the ground. Some shards pierced Lukas' skin, he saw crimson drip on his hand as he picked out a shard from the mirror. A few scratches covered his body, some spilled red blood, others turned pink. _Shit._

His scratched legs sprinted to where he last saw Berwald, in the dining area.

"Berwald!"

No response.

"Berwald, listen!"

Berwald continued reading a book of his without glancing up.

"Berwald, _please_."

Silence flowed through Lukas and around the man sitting in front of him. His blue eyes stared right through Lukas and his pale blonde hair blew in the breeze from the windows.

"Jesus Christ, this wind is cold," Berwald muttered as he got up from the couch to close the hallway window.

Lukas ran straight out of the house. Berwald lived in a wealthy neibourhood, there was pavement and snowy trees everywhere. Lukas felt lost, dead inside. _This isn't normal. This isn't fucking normal. I must be mental. Could it be the silent treatment? No, Berwald isn't immature like that._ Lukas wanted to go back to his home, Norway, he wanted to live a free life as a non existent soul, even if it meant he would have to steal to live, to illegally jump borders, to have no one love him. Tears streamed down his cheeks and a salty taste lingered on his tongue. He had the horrible and ghostly feeling of an icy breeze passing through him. Lukas' legs felt tired and sore after running for what seemed like an eternity, while his hunger felt like it was penetrating him.

 _I have no future._


	3. No More Silence

**_Present_**

A soft ember glow produced from a street lamp was the only light in the dark of night. Buildings were disguised in the darkness, as their usually yellow glowing windows were pitch black. Unusually, there were no cars rolling down the streets, no drunk youth rocking back and forth down the pavement and no owners closing up shop or getting ready for the next day. There was nothing visible, and nothing heard, but there was Lukas.

He had the usual feeling. The eerie rush of cold wind passing through him, sending slight shivers down his spine that made him want to hide somewhere and never come out. He wanted to hide somewhere warm, welcoming and much more cosier than any place he's been in the past few years. Lukas was now 19, his hair (that was so blonde, it had a chance of blinding you) was slightly longer than before, and his eyes had a more exhausted and depressed look. He always felt ghostly, every morning he would wake up, in the abandoned apartment that he resided in, to the early morning rays of sunshine that he dreaded to see, and he would head straight towards the mirror opposite his bed to see if he could view himself. Every morning it was the same thing, no existence.

Lukas, honestly, still sometimes slept at Berwald's house, in the same room. The day he attempted to run away to Norway he became extremely exhausted and limp, his bloody scratches from the mirror had a possibility of becoming infected. So he headed back, and stole some bandages, then ran off again.

Every so often, guests would come into the house, and they would often comment, "Why don't you just use this room for other things?"

Berwald would often say, "I have a strange feeling that the ghost of Lukas is still there sometimes."

That night, while he was leaning against a street lamp under a soft glow, Lukas drank a cup of steaming hot coffee. He watched as the white, mystical steam swirled around in the air, and then disappeared into the atmosphere.

He had never figured out why he was like this, all he knew was that he could do whatever he wanted. He could just walk into stores and get whatever he wanted, because people didn't know he was there, that's how he got his cup of coffee.

 _I'm so tired._

Lukas started walking slowly down the street, not aware of surroundings, as all he saw was pitch black. The feeling reminded him of when he and Matthias were children, how they used to run around in the hallways with the lights switched off, playing tag. But this time it was lonelier, it had an eerie feel to it. Lukas didn't know what time it was, so he just kept on walking, slowly shifting each foot forward, while being slightly paranoid. _Oh God, fucking hell, I hate this._ Lukas had no one to protect him, no one who he could protect, no one who would tell him that _everything would be okay._ He had this strange fear of being alone, you might think he would've grown out of it, after a few years of having no one. He felt something stream down his cheek. A tear. It was soft and warm, and more dripped down from his eyes. He could taste the salty liquid, and it wasn't a while before he let out a few sobs. Lukas started waving his hands out in front of him, trying to reach something. He felt something cold that sent a chill down his spine, a pole that he could clutch on to.

Lukas' hand started aching, it was a throbbing pain that seemed to stretch on for eternity. A harsh breeze, that carried a whole forest of dead leaves and dust, blew into his face, which forced his eyes shut. It wasn't like having his eyes closed was any different to being awake in the dead of night. So, his back began to slide down the pole, and his hands let go of the grasp they were holding, until he was sitting on the pavement leaning against a pole. It wasn't long before Lukas was in deep slumber.

Lukas' eyes fluttered open, they were immediately exposed to the morning rays of light, so his eyes squinted, attempting to take in his surroundings. He almost immediately recognised the room he was in. His body seemed to be lying in a massive, soft bed, with red velvet blankets and grey knitted cushions, and a pristine white quilt which stretched perfectly across the whole bed. The blankets were wrapped around his legs and torso perfectly, while his naked arms were spread across the bed, the right arm hanging off the edge and the other bending enough to touch his face. Warmth spread across Lukas' exposed legs, the quilt stroking him softly whenever he moved. He immediately knew this bed, this room, the window with the light that shone brightly. He was no stranger to this place, the memories were bounding off the walls and hitting back at him harder than he anticipated.

 _Berwald's room._

Lukas shifted his neck to face a tall, blonde terrifying man with concerned blue eyes, sitting on a wobbly wooden stool with intricate floral patterns carved into the legs. He seemed to be reading a book with torn pages and a wrecked leather cover.

 _Berwald!_

Lukas' torso sprang up, his eyes focusing directly at Berwald's book. He fiddled with his fingers and attempted to control his extremely fast breathing. It wasn't like Berwald could see him anyway, then, how'd he get in this bed? Was Berwald aware that there was an invisible mass lying under the sheets? Was this just another strange power he would learn to dread? Maybe if he attempted to speak... _No, that would never work_.

The temptation of speech took over Lukas, the possibility of someone voicing words to him erged him to break the silence. The quiet was killing him inside, it had survived too long and he felt the overwhelming need to break it.

"Berwald?" his voice sounded broken, yet deeper, much deeper than when he last spoke. He sounded no more like a young boy.

"Yes?" Berwald spoke up. His voice was only a bit deeper.

 _Someone spoke to me. What the fuck?_

Lukas' eyes widened as he took it all in, tears began to form and drip down his pale cheeks, it was all silent until laughter burst out of his lips. At first, light chuckling broke through, then he began to wheeze and gasp for air, and then suddenly he was cackling loudly. All throughout the house you could hear cackles and hiccups, along with some claps here and there. Lukas' ears started ringing, and tear drops ran down his face like a waterfall as he fell back into the soft, white pillow behind him. His hands slowly ran over his face and stroked his cheeks, wiping the salty liquid away from his eyes.

"Yer in pure shock, aren't ya," Berwald was glaring at him, quickly shutting his book and setting it down on the dark, wooden bedside table beside him.

"Comple-" chuckles broke out of Lukas' mouth again, "Completely." His voice started to sound hoarse and cracked.

The Swedish man stood up exhaustedly, breathing a huge, deep sigh while shutting his eyes. He then opened them again, focusing them on Lukas.

"Don't go anywhere without speaking to me, understand?"

"Ja, I mean, I did just go missing-"

"No, you _don't_ understand."

"What?"

"It seems that I can only hear you, you are not visible," He then walked out the room with heavy but quick footsteps, quietly shutting the door behind him.

 _What happened overnight? How did Berwald know it was me that he rescued? So I'm really not cured? I am incredibly confused..._

A cold rush of wind passed through him and a shiver ran down his spine as he shut his eyes slowly. He want to lie in this bed and let the quilts and blankets protect him, he wanted the warmth to swallow him up and take him prisoner, while listening to the clutter of pots and pans against utensils in the kitchen. The sound of Berwald working in the kitchen with all kinds foods soothed him, it seemed to be his lullaby. It reminded Lukas of the times he would assist Matthias in the kitchen, helping him prepare meals that they were to later consume.

Overwhelming joy had taken over Lukas, soft smiles formed on his lips every minute or so as he hugged himself and cuddled a few pillows. Someone had just suddenly spoken to him for the first time in four years. Lukas was shocked, he was still shaking to the point where he seemed as though he was terrified. An emotional warmth, unlike anything he had felt before, spread across Lukas' face and made his cheeks go pink.

The startling sound of a doorbell bounced through the corridors as big, thumping footsteps walked over to the front of the house. A slow soft creak of the door quietly made its way to Lukas' ears.

"Ja?" Berwald said with a welcoming tone, not realising who he was talking to. It suddenly struck him, _this man_ , who was waiting at the doorstep with a determined expression, was almost the same height as him, his bright, shimmering blonde hair spiked up unnaturally, and his thick eyebrows frowned.

"I'd like to talk to Lu-," his lighthearted tone in his voice was strange and intriguing, but Berwald could not stop himself from interrupting.

" _No_ ," The Swedish man glared instensely at this person, a dark, intense emotion filled the silent atmosphere.

"Let me rephrase that," The man still continued, **_"I want Lukas back."_**


	4. Author's note

Hello! I apologise for the interruption, but I'd like to talk about my update cycle.

I originally was going to update every so often, but I now want to look at publishing a chapter... every week? I'll try my best and if my writing style goes lazy, please inform me and I will try to change a few things.

Thanks for the reviews _

-Dannime ( ͡ ͜ʖ ͡)


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